I was scared. I had so many doubts and questions.
How can I do this?
What will people think?
What if I fail miserably and cause others to think poorly of Christ?
But I had this image in my mind I couldn’t escape of Jesus holding out His hand to me and gently asking, “Do you trust me?”
Oh, Lord. How could I say no? Considering who You are and all you have done for me, how could I answer anything but, “Yes, Lord”? I can’t even put the words “no” and “Lord” together. They are utterly incompatible.
Still reason and my own obvious inadequacies tried to convince me to say “No, I can’t do what You have asked. It is too hard.” But my heart longed to follow Jesus on a wild and uncertain adventure.
Looking back now, when I felt God stirring me to trust Him to plan my family, I’m so glad I said, “Yes.” Albeit very hesitantly. I had no idea how this adventure would turn out. I was terrified by my limitations. I was bound by the expectations of my culture. But I just couldn’t bring myself to say “No” to One who gave up His own glory to die a cruel death as a poor criminal for me.
I won’t lie. It’s not easy to raise eight children. It’s inconvenient to be perpetually pregnant or nursing or both for 14 years straight. It’s discouraging to have so many people call you crazy…to your face…in church no less. It’s hard to defy your own culture and do the unexpected. It’s difficult to answer the same questions over and over again.
But, Oh! What I would have missed out on if I had said no so many years ago. I’m struggling to even come up with the words to describe to you how amazing it is to live with all these young people who just bless my socks off (and drive me bananas sometimes too). They aren’t just children. These little bodies hold the immeasurable treasure of eternal souls within them. Very literally, Heaven and Earth are changed because they exist. I am changed because they exist.
If my family had grown according to my plan, most of them would not be here. That’s very sobering. It makes me wonder what other adventures I may have missed because I didn’t follow Jesus.
I’m so thankful God’s ways are higher and His plans are better. I’m so thankful I said yes!
I wouldn’t trade it for anything. If I had it all to do over again, I would still say yes. I would just worry less and enjoy it more.
What about you?
What do you think God wants you to do?
Is it scary?
Is it different?
Is it downright “crazy”?
What adventure might you miss if you say no?
If it’s God, don’t fret! And don’t fear others’ opinions.
Just say yes!