Ten years ago today I held my son’s lifeless body in the palm of my hand sobbing with the raw intensity of fresh grief. He had been born into the arms of Jesus bypassing my own arms altogether. My emptiness and sorrow resulting from that loss plunged me into a dark abyss of despair and fear cloaked by a busy life and a practiced smile.
Have you ever sensed God calling you out of your comfy boat to walk the waves beyond? Did you do it? Did you try and then sink like Peter? Or is fear holding you back from even stepping out? What’s keeping you from walking on water? Maybe you still haven’t figured out how to get your boat out of the harbor. I have days like that. I’m right there with you!
I tried to swallow the fear that surged within me, but I couldn’t keep it down. I desperately wanted to believe it was nothing, but this hadn’t happened to me before and I was already well into the second trimester.
I’m not sure which is more nerve-wracking: keeping young children from playing in the street, teaching your older child how to drive, or letting her drive alone. My teen daughter had just left the house and had only been gone 10 minutes when my phone rang. Not good.
She opened with, “It’s not an emergency and no one is dead.” I have trained her well. Relief and joy, mixed with a hint of pride.
“But it is urgent and I do need your help.” Bummer. I just got back home.
“I think I ran out of gas and I’m stuck in the turn lane in front of the gas station.” Disappointment turned to anxiety as I was already imagining her being rear-ended and seriously injured.
If I put half the energy I use worrying and fretting into prayer, I would experience much greater peace. A good deal of my anxiety comes from trying to control everything instead of just letting God be God.
What about you? What do you worry about? What might be possible if you turn it over to God with thanksgiving? What deeper level of peace could be yours right now?
It doesn’t make sense because it’s a peace that goes beyond our ability to understand, but that doesn’t make it any less real. Will you trust Him today?